Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
Author Unknown
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
3 Simple Rules
You have to follow 3 simple rules for your life, your work, and your relationships. Follow these 3 simple rules and you will have a strong, powerful, positive self-esteem.
=> 1. Do what's right.
Your self-esteem grows when you know in your heart what is right and DO it. As Lou Holtz would say, "This first rule is not real complicated. Do what's right. Don't do what's wrong. And if you have any questions, get out your Bible to find the answers."
It doesn't matter if you call it business ethics or personal morals, you've got to do what is right. There is no way you can feel good about yourself if you do what you know is wrong.
It's a simple rule ... even though it may not always be an easy rule. As the saying goes, "Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever." So choose your actions wisely.
=> 2. Do the best you can.
Don't accept anything less than the best from yourself. Like rule #1, there is no way you can feel good about yourself if you do just enough to get by or turn in work that is barely good enough to meet the expectations and standards of your industry. You've got to do the best you can.
When you do that, you reap all the benefits of peace, joy, and self-esteem. As author Pearl S. Buck noted almost a century ago, "The secret of joy in work is contained in one word -- excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it."
And the great President Abraham Lincoln lived by that principle. He said, "I do the very best I know how ... the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference."
Do the best you can ... even though you are bound to face obstacles. People with high self-esteem ... or people trying to build their self-esteem ... find a way to work around those obstacles.
Such was the case with Peter Falk. At the age of 3, he lost an eye as the result of a tumor, and from there on out, he wore a glass eye. But he didn't slink around the back corridors of his school, with his hand over his eye, hoping no one would see him. No, he became president of his senior class and one of the school's outstanding baseball players. In fact, one time when he slid into third base and the umpire called him out, Falk took out his glass eye and said, "Here, you can use another eye."
After high school, Falk went on to acting in a small community theatre. But his really "big break" came when he got a call from Columbia Pictures, asking him to come to Hollywood for a screen test. It was very exciting, but they didn't sign him. An executive said, "For his price, I can get can actor with two eyes." The strange thing is ... no one remembers which two-eyed actor Columbia Pictures signed instead. But millions remember Peter Falk from Broadway, TV, and the movies, for which he received two Oscar nominations.
Despite his so-called "obstacles," Falk always lived by this second rule. He did the best he could ... making his success a foregone conclusion. And the same rule applies to you.
=> 3. Treat other people the way you'd like to be treated.
It may sound as old-fashioned as the Golden Rule, but you show me a person who treats others badly, and I'll show you an insecure person with poor self-esteem. You cannot treat anybody ... and I do mean anybody ... badly and feel good about yourself.
As author Michael Josephson puts it, "The way we treat people we think can't help or hurt us (like housekeepers, waiters, and secretaries), tells more about our character than how we treat people we think are important. People who are honest, kind, and fair only when there's something to gain shouldn't be confused with people of real character who demonstrate these qualities habitually, under all circumstances. Character is not a fancy coat we put on for show. It's who we really are."
I agree. Treat people with respect, and you will respect yourself.
George Washington Carver knew about that. Despite all the racial hatred that surrounded him, he became one of the world's foremost botanical researchers in the 18 and 1900's as well as one of the most respected men of his time. His guiding philosophy was all about this third rule of self-esteem. He said, "No individual has any right to come into this world and go out of it without leaving behind him distinct and legitimate reasons for having passed through it. How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."
Live by these 3 rules. Work by these 3 rules. And you will have a strong self-esteem. Guaranteed. But you'll also get 3 other benefits.
BENEFIT #1: You gain the trust of others.
When you follow rule #1 ... doing what's right ... others know they can trust you.
In fact, there's really no way others can trust you if you don't do what's right. And many companies have learned that lesson the hard way. When they've done something wrong and lost the trust of their employees or lost the trust of the public, they have a difficult if not impossible road ahead of them.
BENEFIT #2: You gain the respect of others.
When you follow rule #2 ... doing your best ,,, others automatically respect you. But if you goof off or try to take short cuts on quality, their respect goes out the window.
On the flip side, if you're a leader, you've got to expect and accept nothing less than the best from others if you ever hope to have their respect. Think about it. The teachers you loved the most ... respected the most ... were those who demanded the most and got the most out of you.
BENEFIT # 3: You gain the affection of others.
When you follow rule #3 ... treating others the way you'd like to be treated ... others like you. It's almost impossible to dislike someone who genuinely likes you, cares about you, and treats you well.
Despite the jargon of pop psychology, you can't win by intimidation. And you don't win when you take the attitude of "I'm your parent ... or ... I'm the boss. Just shut up and listen." You win, according to Lou Holtz, "when you have a love for people and treat them that way."
=> 1. Do what's right.
Your self-esteem grows when you know in your heart what is right and DO it. As Lou Holtz would say, "This first rule is not real complicated. Do what's right. Don't do what's wrong. And if you have any questions, get out your Bible to find the answers."
It doesn't matter if you call it business ethics or personal morals, you've got to do what is right. There is no way you can feel good about yourself if you do what you know is wrong.
It's a simple rule ... even though it may not always be an easy rule. As the saying goes, "Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever." So choose your actions wisely.
=> 2. Do the best you can.
Don't accept anything less than the best from yourself. Like rule #1, there is no way you can feel good about yourself if you do just enough to get by or turn in work that is barely good enough to meet the expectations and standards of your industry. You've got to do the best you can.
When you do that, you reap all the benefits of peace, joy, and self-esteem. As author Pearl S. Buck noted almost a century ago, "The secret of joy in work is contained in one word -- excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it."
And the great President Abraham Lincoln lived by that principle. He said, "I do the very best I know how ... the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference."
Do the best you can ... even though you are bound to face obstacles. People with high self-esteem ... or people trying to build their self-esteem ... find a way to work around those obstacles.
Such was the case with Peter Falk. At the age of 3, he lost an eye as the result of a tumor, and from there on out, he wore a glass eye. But he didn't slink around the back corridors of his school, with his hand over his eye, hoping no one would see him. No, he became president of his senior class and one of the school's outstanding baseball players. In fact, one time when he slid into third base and the umpire called him out, Falk took out his glass eye and said, "Here, you can use another eye."
After high school, Falk went on to acting in a small community theatre. But his really "big break" came when he got a call from Columbia Pictures, asking him to come to Hollywood for a screen test. It was very exciting, but they didn't sign him. An executive said, "For his price, I can get can actor with two eyes." The strange thing is ... no one remembers which two-eyed actor Columbia Pictures signed instead. But millions remember Peter Falk from Broadway, TV, and the movies, for which he received two Oscar nominations.
Despite his so-called "obstacles," Falk always lived by this second rule. He did the best he could ... making his success a foregone conclusion. And the same rule applies to you.
=> 3. Treat other people the way you'd like to be treated.
It may sound as old-fashioned as the Golden Rule, but you show me a person who treats others badly, and I'll show you an insecure person with poor self-esteem. You cannot treat anybody ... and I do mean anybody ... badly and feel good about yourself.
As author Michael Josephson puts it, "The way we treat people we think can't help or hurt us (like housekeepers, waiters, and secretaries), tells more about our character than how we treat people we think are important. People who are honest, kind, and fair only when there's something to gain shouldn't be confused with people of real character who demonstrate these qualities habitually, under all circumstances. Character is not a fancy coat we put on for show. It's who we really are."
I agree. Treat people with respect, and you will respect yourself.
George Washington Carver knew about that. Despite all the racial hatred that surrounded him, he became one of the world's foremost botanical researchers in the 18 and 1900's as well as one of the most respected men of his time. His guiding philosophy was all about this third rule of self-esteem. He said, "No individual has any right to come into this world and go out of it without leaving behind him distinct and legitimate reasons for having passed through it. How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."
Live by these 3 rules. Work by these 3 rules. And you will have a strong self-esteem. Guaranteed. But you'll also get 3 other benefits.
BENEFIT #1: You gain the trust of others.
When you follow rule #1 ... doing what's right ... others know they can trust you.
In fact, there's really no way others can trust you if you don't do what's right. And many companies have learned that lesson the hard way. When they've done something wrong and lost the trust of their employees or lost the trust of the public, they have a difficult if not impossible road ahead of them.
BENEFIT #2: You gain the respect of others.
When you follow rule #2 ... doing your best ,,, others automatically respect you. But if you goof off or try to take short cuts on quality, their respect goes out the window.
On the flip side, if you're a leader, you've got to expect and accept nothing less than the best from others if you ever hope to have their respect. Think about it. The teachers you loved the most ... respected the most ... were those who demanded the most and got the most out of you.
BENEFIT # 3: You gain the affection of others.
When you follow rule #3 ... treating others the way you'd like to be treated ... others like you. It's almost impossible to dislike someone who genuinely likes you, cares about you, and treats you well.
Despite the jargon of pop psychology, you can't win by intimidation. And you don't win when you take the attitude of "I'm your parent ... or ... I'm the boss. Just shut up and listen." You win, according to Lou Holtz, "when you have a love for people and treat them that way."
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wisdom Quote
When I get ready to talk to people, I spend two thirds of the time thinking what they want to hear and one third thinking about what I want to say.
Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
50 WAYS TO GET UNSTRESSED IN A STRESSED-OUT WORLD
DE-CLUTTER YOUR ENVIRONMENT. PEACE IS NEVER FOUND IN THE MIDST OF
CHAOS.
1. Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.
2. Get a place for everything, and put everything in its place.
3. Have backups: an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key
buried in the garden, extra stamps in the car, whatever will lower your
stress.
4. Surround yourself with what you love ... whether it's pets, plants,
music, hobbies, or keepsakes. Make your home your refuge.
5. Enjoy the simple things.
6. Take one day at a time.
7. Slow down. You're never going to get it all done anyway.
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Spread big changes and difficult projects over time. Don't lump all
the hard things together.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. THERE'S NO PLACE ELSE TO LIVE.
10. Eat right.
11. Go to bed on time. Get enough rest.
12. Get up on time. Start your day with calmness.
13. Drive carefully. Cars aren't the only things that can be recalled by
their maker.
14. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
15. Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
GUARD YOUR HEART. DON'T LET THE WORLD STEAL YOUR JOY.
16. Laugh. And then laugh some more -- even if you have to fake it til
you make it.
17. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
18. Do something for the kid in you every day.
19. Smile. Peace starts with a smile.
20. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.
21. Do what is right. Forbidden fruits create jams.
22. Don't let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started
out as a basket case.
23. Let the tears come. Endure, grieve, and move on. Be ALIVE while
you are alive.
24. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county or a foreign country ... but not to Guilt City.
25. Don't forget ... birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the
longer you live.
WATCH YOUR MOUTH. THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH ARE FOUND IN THE TONGUE.
26. Talk less. Listen more.
27. Tell your loved ones ... that you love them ... at every
opportunity.
28. Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
29. Be kind to unkind people. They probably need it the most. And if
you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
30. Don't put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
won't have a leg to stand on.
31. Practice KYMS (Keeping Your Mouth Shut). It will prevent an enormous
amount of trouble.
32. Forgive. Most people are doing the best they can with what they
have.
BUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. THEY DETERMINE THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE.
33. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
34. Build memories. Life is not measured by the number of breaths you
take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
35. Learn to get along ... just like crayons. Some are sharp. Some are
pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different
colors. But they all have to live in the same box.
36. Let go of grudges. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.
37. Refrain from judgment. God Himself does not propose to judge a man
until he is dead. So why should you?
38. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the
universe.
NURTURE YOUR SPIRIT. IT'S THE SOURCE OF HOPE.
39. Take time ... every day ... to be alone ... and relish the power of
peace and quiet.
40. Listen to a motivational CD while you're driving ... a CD that will
improve your quality of life.
41. Write down every great thought that comes to you. Chances are you
won't remember them, and it may take you another 20 years to learn the
lesson you just lost.
42. Keep a folder of your favorite sayings on hand.
43. Write down one thing you're grateful for. And then add one more
thing to your list each and every day.
44. Make a list of what you want to do, have, experience, and witness
before you die. It's a sure way to get a lot more of what you want in
your life!
45. Strive for excellence. It is not necessary to be perfect.
Excellence will do just fine!
46. Walk your talk. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to
live one.
47. Remember, when you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives
there.
48. Pray. Then take some time to listen. Many folks want to serve God,
but only as advisors.
49. Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
50. Remember ... the Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of
God will not protect you.
Life
Many years ago, I met a person who changed my life by sharing one simple sentence. He said, "In life, you either have results or excuses."
It may not have been a politically correct statement, but I gave it a lot of thought ... and realized he was right. I thought about all the people I knew, and I asked myself how many of them had what they really wanted in life. I realized the number was very small, but their excuses were very large.
By contrast, I thought about one extraordinary individual whose life was characterized by extraordinary results. In 1723, he arrived in Philadelphia as a penniless 17-year old boy. But by the age of 42, he retired as a wealthy man.
On top of that, he became the country's most outstanding statesman, scientist, and philosopher. He helped draft the Declaration of Independence and was one of its signers. His name, of course, was Benjamin Franklin.
How did he do it? He went on a journey ... looking for the principles that would bring him the success he wanted. And he discovered 13 principles and devised a simple method for mastering them. He would give special attention to a different principle each week, and in the course of a year or 52 weeks, he would get through all 13 principles 4 different times.
When he was 79 years old, he wrote more about this system than any other thing that happened in his illustrious life. He felt as though he owed all his success and happiness to the practice of these 13 principles. So he penned a message to all of us, writing, "I hope therefore that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit."
So if you'd like to be as successful as Ben Franklin, here's his list of 13 principles. Practice each one for a week, 4 times a year, every year.
=> 1. Temperance
In other words, watch what you eat and drink. Take care of your body. After all, if you ruin your body, where else are you going to live?
=> 2. Silence
Franklin hated what he called "trifling conversations." So he learned to shut up if he couldn't say something significant or something nice about somebody else.
Of course that's hard to do. As the American author Alice Duer Miller observed, "People love to talk but hate to listen."
But it's possible to learn the art of silence ... or at least the art of avoiding negative talk by negative people. Kevin Carey, a senior manager at Time Warner, told me, "I go to lunch with a group of people that all understand that lunch is personal time and that work-related discussions won't be tolerated." He's learned to avoid the all too common gripe sessions that take place in the company cafeteria.
And the result? Kevin says, "I find that I'm much more refreshed after these types of lunches and in a better mood when I get home."
=> 3. Order
Franklin believed in organization ... a place for everything and everything in its place. He knew that a cluttered office or a messy home killed off motivation and innovation.
=> 4. Resolution
In today's language, we might call it follow-through. Or doing what has to be done. Or doing what you said you were going to do.
Modern-day entrepreneur, Sidney Friedman, echoes the same sentiment. He says, "You can achieve anything you want in life if you have the courage to dream it, the intelligence to make a realistic plan, and the will to see that plan through to the end."
By contrast, the losers in life lack "resolution." They see victory as being "too hard" or taking "too much work."
But the winners embrace "resolution." Take world-champion bicyclist Lance Armstrong, for example. He says, "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."
=> 5. Frugality
Franklin advised, "Waste nothing." Be very careful about the way you use money.
And if he were alive today, he might say such things as "pay off your credit cards every month" or "save for retirement starting with your first paycheck."
Some 200 years after Franklin, recent research bears out his "frugality" principle. In Stanley and Danko's book, "The Millionaire Next Door," they discovered that self-made millionaires were extremely frugal. They lived below their means, drove older cars, wore inexpensive suits, bought cheap watches, and opted for a mortgage-free home in a modest neighborhood instead of an unpaid mansion.
Stanley and Danko concluded, "What are three words that profile the affluent? Frugal, frugal, frugal. Being frugal is the cornerstone of wealth building."
=> 6. Industry
As Abraham Lincoln noted, "Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do." And Thomas Edison added, "There is no substitute for hard work."
Both of them subscribed to Franklin's idea of industry. As Franklin said, don't waste your time. Get rid of the unnecessary tasks in your life. And always be doing something that is useful.
=> 7. Sincerity
Simply put, in all your communications, be honest. No deceit. No manipulation. Instead of saying "honesty is the best policy," sincerity tends to say "honesty is the only policy."
=> 8. Justice
It's all about being kind and fair. Or as Franklin put it, "Wrong no one."
And that's a big issue these days. According to ComPsych, a Chicago-based employee assistance program, people problems are the number one cause of workplace stress. It used to be workload, but now 36% of the surveyed people cite "people issues" ... or being wronged by somebody else ... as the biggest stressor they face.
That being the case, you would be well served to become extremely skilled in interpersonal communication. It will not only reduce your stress, but it will also propel you towards greater levels of success.
That's why my program on "Take This Job and Love It! A Program for Managing Stress, Preventing Burnout, and Balancing Life" is so popular. If you're interested in having me speak about that at your meeting, give me a call.
=> 9. Moderation
Avoid extremes. Seek moderation. You don't have to win every argument, for example. You could agree to disagree.
=> 10. Cleanliness
This particular principle struck me as a little bit strange. But Franklin advocated the necessity of having a clean body, clean clothing, and a clean house. Perhaps he was thinking, "If you stink, you sink."
=> 11. Tranquility
Choose your fights carefully. Don't get all upset about those things that don't really matter. As Franklin wrote, "Be not disturbed at trifles."
Beyond that, there is a certain power that comes with calmness and tranquility. The former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani, spoke about that when his leadership was tested on 9/11. He said, "My father used to say to me, 'Whenever you get into a jam, whenever you get into a crisis or an emergency ... become the calmest person in the room and you'll be able to figure your way out of it.'"
=> 12. Chastity
It's a rather old-fashioned word these days. But it refers to morality. No one ever got ahead ... forever ... by doing the wrong things ... for long.
And finally ...
=> 13. Humility
As Sam Palmisano, the CEO of IBM pointed out, "Some of the best advice I ever received was unspoken. Over the course of my IBM career I've observed many CEO's, heads of state, and others in positions of great authority. I've noticed that some of the most effective leaders don't make themselves the center of attention." They were humble.
And to be truly humble, to exhibit genuine humility, Franklin simply said, "Imitate Jesus and Socrates."
If that doesn't mean much to you, you might like the way Red Aurbach, the professional basketball coach, put it. He said, "Take pride in what you do. The kind of pride I'm talking about is not the arrogant puffed-up kind; it's just the whole idea of caring -- fiercely caring." And, of course, Jesus and Socrates were humble at the same time they cared deeply about their missions.
When I look at these 13 principles, I think it's somewhat sad, even pathetic, when people say they have no idea how to be more successful. After all, this list has been around for 200 years. Our only challenge is to put it into practice.
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